cherishlife

I can not lie, I’ve fallen off the band wagon with a big kathump!!! I’ve been saying that I was going to rejoin Buddyslim for over a month now. I’ve finally found the strength to do it. So now I’m back in the midst of the chaos that is going on in my life. I’m at a point where I need support more than ever. At times I get so frustrated with my weight loss that I just want to not eat. Just starve myself until I’m at goal. At my darkest times I tend to seriously contemplate bulimia and/or anorexia. I know its unhealthy- I did the binge purge thing for a while when I was a young teen- but I want the end results so much that the in-between just seems like an irrelevent deterrent. Right now i’m doing weight watchers at my job. Its not a very supportive or encouraging setting, but it’s convenient for me so I signed up. So far on it I’ve lost 7lbs. Not bad but its hard to look at the little progress when I have so much further to go. And it doesn’t help that everytime i turn around someone else at work is getting Gastric bypass. My job pays for it so these women figure- why not! There’s a lot of work and a few surgeries more to get to your goal weight, but you lose weight quickly and see results fast. It’s tempting but.. I’ll feel like I’m a true and utter failure if I get the surgery instead of losing weight the natural way.  I want to feel proud of my success. I don’t know…I just hate being a perfectionist trapped in this body because the two just don’t go together. I have to maintain everything else to a tee, so I lose my control with food. Its horible. At this point, I feel like everything around me is crumbling and I am out of control. I find myself not caring about much lately, and i’m tired all the time about everything. Emotionally tired. Its depression yet again-I’ve struggled with it for years-and its interfering with my life. I’m just frustrated and needed a good vent.

I am just trying to crawl my way back on top. Lord help me!

I’ve been so busy with back to school and all. I’m really excited as this is my second semester but 1st fall semester. I really got a chance to be apart of the hustle and bustle that comes with back to school:) So i got a C- on my labor day weekend test, but that’s okay because i got back on task. i’m walking twice a day now-i walk to and from the bus stop(about 6-totally not short blocks), and i’m starting-today- to do my indoor walking at nite, so i can make sure i’m really burning calories. what else? block party tomorrow at my aunts’-hawaiian theme so this should be interesting-and i’m ready to stay on track. I stopped journaling and noticed that as soon as i stopped, i think i eat more-probably just in my head, but still- so i’m doing that again. i’m really excited about my classes, i have algebra,management 121-an intro to business class-art history 103, and counseling 101. Counseling is what i’m most excited about because it’s a life/career planning class. it’ll help me pick a major-a real one, not the liberal arts major i am now-and a career that fits my strengths, weaknesses and personality. ALrighty then, that’s it-i  have homework to do!!!

bye!!!!

omg! we’re having a block party/barbeque today, and tomorrow is my little cousin Rori’s b-day cookout celebration-and i’m a little worried/peeved. ( they’re trying to break me :) I mean, my mom bought like nothing that i can/should eat. whatever. i will stand strong because i am dedicated to changing my life. i have to keep my strength up-i’ve lost more weight so i know i’m doing good. anyways-i gotta go help out. Everyone have a safe and happy holiday!!!!

bye!!

Okay, so i just got finished walking a mile, and it feels so good. ( i was tired at first and didn’t want to exercise, but i made myself do it and now i ‘m glad that i did) To start out with this plan, i’ve been walking every other day-mondaywednesday-friday. but starting next monday, i’m going to kick it up a notch and start doing it everyday. i’m actually looking forward to that. I’ve started keeping a food journal here at home, and i’ve noticed that the amount of food that i eat is going down, yet i don’t feel hungry. that’s a good thing..i’ve been doing good and i intend to keep it up. the real “test” will be this saturday(and the upcoming labor day weekend)because it’s my family’s monthly get together. but i am ready to take the “challenge” head on- and keep pushing forward. I’ve never been so gungho about exercising and trying to lose weight- i guess i got tired of watching my mother whirl thru the “junior section” that i should be shopping in. Whatever it is, i’m glad it hit me. My 21st b-day is in january, and by my 23rd in 2010- i fully intend to be at my goal weight. I’ve even made a thinspiration sheet. I took my before photos and glued them to construction paper, and went thru magazines cutting out words that described those photos, and words that described the person in the photos-words like sad, unhealthy, unhappy-things like that. Then i took another peice of papers and cut out a realistic healhy goal picture of some model from a catalog-plus size catalog- and glued her to the paper with uplifting words that i cut from a magazine-words like healthy, happy, vivacious-stuff like that. Basically words i would like to use to describe myself one day(soon ;). Then i put those pics up on the wall so i can see where im leaving and where i’m going to. My thinspiration! Well that’s it for now. Bye Buddies!

I walked a mile on Monday, and a mile today using my walk off the pounds dvd. It was hard work but it was fun, and i enjoy the feeling of accomplishment when i’m finished. I can’t wait until i’ve worked my way up to 2 miles and then 3. Working out isn’t as bad as i thought it would be…

I also bought a new recipe book- Lean and Lovin’ it by Don Mauer. It has a bunch of recipes that are lean but not boring. It even has a recipe for chocolate cake! I’m gonna have to post some of these recipes, to share with with you guys all this good-but healthy- food. (The recipes even have the nutritional information. )

What else…. oh- I’ve defatted-that is totally a word- my kitchen and i’ve stocked up on wheat pasta, and no fat foods, herbs and spices. I’ve got non fat yogurt, cheese-i gotta get used to the cheese-cereal, honey, and sea salt to name a few.  Not to mention a bunch of fruit like peaches, apples, blueberries, cinnamon apple sauce, and bananas. I’ve truly rededicated myself to this weightloss thing, and since I’ve started again, i’ve lost a pound! That’s one last pound to worry about! No more low fat, i’m going with no fat. Okay that’s it, now it’s time for me to make my rounds and check out some of my peeps blogs! See you guys later!

My fitness dvds came today and i’m amped! i’m about to go and start walking off the pounds. Wish me luck

bye!

Hi folks!

I’ve been gone far too long and i truly apologize. There is definitely no excuse. I allowed life to get into the way, and got lazy. I gained weight then lost it then gained it then lost it, and now i am back here because i can’t do this on my own. I am offically rededicating myself to my weightloss, so i knew that i had to come back here for support. Today i ordered a dvd by leslie sansone-walking away the pounds. I’ve done it ondemand so i knew that i liked it and wanted it. Also, i’m looking into joining weightwatchers, my healthplan reimburses me so i should get into that. What else? I’ve been lifting weights-five pound dumbells- so i can tone my arms. I am here and i am dedicated. I have no choice but toget healthy because i am tired of being in the unheathy body that i’m in. In other news, i start my second semester Sept. 4th and I’m dedicated to working hard to maintain my 4.o, so i’m just very very excited. I just want to apologize again-especially to myself- for falling off of the wagon-and scraping my knee in the process :)- I am here and i am ready and willing to change. pray for me ya’ll:)

I need to stop allowing stress to take me over like it has been lately. Dealing with school-math quiz tomorrow-trying to pick a 4 yr unversity, trying to figure if i’m taking classes this summer and if so how i’m going to pay for it, dealing with my mom-a constant source of stress-everything has my head hurting and unfortunately have me stress eating and not really exercising. I need to get back on point, and stop playing because i’m tired of being this weight. I’m trying to multiask, when i need to focus on one thing at a time. School will be over May 9, so as soon as it’s over i can focus solely 100 percent on losing weight this summer. I’m just praying for strength so please pray for me too ya’ll. And wish me luck on my math quiz tomorrow-i think i’ve got it in the bag though-! Well, these are just my thoughts right now.

Hello all!

rn

I had a math test on Monday and just knew that i did good because i really applied myself and tried hard. Even with those good vibes floating around me, i was a little uneasy in class today because before the professor handed the papers back, she talked about how disappointed she was in the majority of the class. Automatically i thought she was talking about me because math has always been my weakest subject-and she was looking right at me because i sit in the front of the class. Anyway, when we got our tests back, i saw that i passed with flying colors, getting the maximum score possible!Not only that, I was the ONLY person in the class to get the highscore!  i was so relieved and so happy! i’m glad that i’m doing good. My psych proffesor said in class today that he was very impressed with me, and my english proffesor stopped me in the hallway to tell me that he loved my persuasive essay on hostility and cognitive distortions, and was very impressed wit hmy work. All in all i’m doing great in college-never thought i’d say that- and am looking to transfer to a four year college-Kutztown University in particular-in Spring 2008. Now that my school life seems to be in order and falling into place, i can now focus almost solely to this weightloss journey. Anyways, wish me luck everyone.
Smooches!

i’ve been so busy with school that i’ve been neglecting buddyslim(and myself i begrudgingly admit). i’m trying to get back on point now, especially since my school is on strike right now. Anyways, just 6 more weeks until this semester is over and i currently have 3 classes (after having to drop my anthropology class due to the fact that my teacher never taught us and i was getting nothing from the class) and midterm grades are in and i’ve got an A in all of my classes(which means i’ve got a 4.0 gpa so far). I’m excited about that because i’m really turning my life around and not making the immature mistakes i made in high school. My last two papers in english and psychology were A’s and i got an A on my eng/psych. midterm. I’m doing much better in math(which has always been my weakest subject)and am thinking about what 4year college i want to transfer to.  On monday i’ll be registering for more classes for the summer and i have a pschology paper due that wednesday. I’m excited about school for the first time since middle school, and can’t wait to experience more of college life. But that will have to wait because right now i’m batling a cold and am off to get me some more tea. Have a great week everyone and i promise i will catch up on everyones blogs shortly.